What two soft-skills courses and one honest social post taught me about starting something new.
Most of us have stood at the edge of something new, whether a side hustle, a pitch or a hard conversation, and thought: I’m just not the type.
That story feels like a fact. It isn’t. After going through training material on self-esteem, assertiveness, influence and persuasion, I found that nearly everything we assume about “natural” confidence and “natural” sellers is a little bit wrong. Here are the seven ideas that surprised me most.
1. Positive affirmations are not the fix
We’re told to stand at the mirror and repeat that we’re wonderful. The course material is blunt about how that goes for people who struggle with confidence: older programs that drilled “I’m special, I’m great” actually irritated them, because it felt like being hit over the head with a frying pan.
“You cannot use superficial means to increase your self-esteem, and people with low self-esteem sensed this.”
The reason is that low self-esteem isn’t a mood. It is conditioning, built over years by the people around us: a critical parent, a teacher, a boss. You can’t cheer over it. You have to question the old messages and replace them with something equally strong but fairer.
Why it matters: if confidence is learned, it is also re-learnable. That quietly dismantles the idea that some people simply have it and you don’t.
2. People with low self-esteem are often very sure of themselves
Here’s the twist. The material points out that people with low self-esteem can be completely certain, just certain of the wrong thing: that they’re inadequate.
It also challenges a popular belief that bullies act out because of low self-esteem. According to the course, research doesn’t link the two. People with genuinely low self-esteem tend to treat themselves badly, not others.
Why it matters: the inner critic isn’t shy or uncertain. It’s confident, loud and wrong. The task isn’t to silence doubt; it’s to stop treating that critic as a reliable witness.
3. “Good enough” is a skill
Perfectionism often disguises itself as a high standard. The training sees it differently: it’s frequently compensation for low self-esteem, and it keeps people stuck.
“Life is not measured by percentages or letter grades that we got in school.”
After school, it argues, life is closer to pass/fail. The report doesn’t need to be flawless; it needs to be sent. A brisk walk beats the perfect 90-minute gym plan you never start.
Why it matters: for anyone starting out, this is permission. The first awkward conversation or first clumsy post is worth more than the polished one that stays in drafts.
4. Influence is not popularity
If you’ve ever held back because you don’t have a big following, this one is for you. The persuasion material makes a clean distinction: popularity is fleeting, influence has staying power.
Its example is denim. Particular styles of jeans come and go, yet denim itself has outlasted decades of trends and moved from work pants to every setting imaginable.
“A company, or a concept, can be popular but have no influence over people whatsoever.”
Why it matters: influence is built from trust, consistency and usefulness, qualities available to anyone, including someone with 80 followers and a reputation for doing what they say they’ll do.
5. The line between persuasion and manipulation is how the other person feels
The course offers two small scenes. A teenager researches a bike and makes a reasoned case to their parents: persuasion. A child melts down in the candy aisle: manipulation.
The difference isn’t cleverness. It’s whether you care how the other person feels about the outcome.
“Manipulation is getting someone to do something or give you something that you want without regard to how they feel about it.”
The same material walks through the classic levers of persuasion (reciprocity, social proof, scarcity, authority, liking) and each one has an honest and a dishonest version. Real customer stories are social proof. Invented ones are not. A genuinely limited offer is scarcity. A fake countdown timer is pressure.
Why it matters: this gives you a simple test before sending any message. Would I be comfortable if they could see exactly why I framed it this way?
6. Pulling works better than pushing, but it’s harder
Pushing is telling, selling, leaning on authority. Pulling is creating desire by understanding what the other person already wants. The training says pulling is harder but lasts, because pushing only moves people away from something while pulling moves them toward something.
It also contains a surprisingly practical trick for starting conversations: ask first. Lines like “Is this a good time to talk?” signal respect and make people far more receptive than being pounced on.
Why it matters: for anyone who hates “selling,” this reframes the job. You’re not convincing; you’re listening for what matters to someone and showing where something genuinely fits.
7. Be careful with “I’ll try,” and learn to ask
Two small habits carry more weight than they look. First, the material flags words that weaken clear communication, “I’ll try” chief among them. The upgrade is specific: not “I’ll try to get back to you,” but “I’ll call you back by 4:00 today,” and then you do.
Second, asking. Kids ask for what they want without shame; adults often forget how. The course says we avoid asking for three reasons: we think it isn’t right, we lack confidence, or we fear rejection.
“The world responds to those who ask.”
Why it matters: both habits build the same asset, credibility. When your words and actions line up, people start to trust you, and trust is the quiet engine behind every kind of influence.
The beginner’s advantage
The post that started this reflection says it plainly: most of us didn’t start because we were confident; we started because we needed more. That honest origin is more useful than any rehearsed pitch. It’s true, it’s relatable, and it invites others into a real conversation.
If you’ve never sold anything, you may have an edge: you’re authentic, you’re learning step by step, and you have no slick script to hide behind.
So here’s the question worth carrying with you: what if the thing you’re waiting to feel before you start, confidence, is actually something you only get by starting?
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